the crossroads one has passed through do not always fade away...the mind moves on...the heart not quite. even the memories stumble in confusion...remembering things not quite one way and even then spectres of what really was. do i hurt for what i cannot figure...or do i give house to my past in whats conveniently comfortable to my present.

tell me what would you do...if you were to do anything at all

p.s. i shudder in the realization that tendulkar and rehman...those gods who chose to walk this earth in our lifetimes, will move on someday...oh dear

i just had a epiphany/hypothesis (depending on who's reading)...i think the state of our economy, specifically as reflected in the stock markets is highly correlated to the creative health of our film industry...the late eighties through early nineties when our country had to ship out our gold reserves to gain a loan is probably also the period (in my memories at least) when hindi movie creativity had filed for chapter 11...the bleakest cheapest period of creative bankruptcy that i've seen
so am basically happy right now...global tough times notwithstanding...दिल गिरा कहीं...दफ्फतन

rehman...you beauty...keep 'em coming

i was driving home and i heard this song

तुमरे भवन में, जोत जागे जोत जागे मेरे पाप भागे आनंद मंगल हूँ मेरी अम्बा ब्रह्म जी वेड जप्पा, है तेरी द्वारे मैया भाह्मा जी वे अम्बा, हे माता द्वारे जावा ब्रह्म जी वेड जप्पा, हैं तेरे द्वारे शंकर ध्यान लगाये, मैया के द्वारे शंकर ध्यान लगाये, मैया के द्वारे. शंकर ध्यान लगाये अम्बा तुमरे भवन में, जोत जागे जोत जागे मेरे पाप भागे आनंद मंगल हूँ मेरी अम्बा नारद गिरधर खड़े तेरे द्वारे माया नारद हे मेरी अम्बा, नारद द्वारे जावा नारद गिरधर खड़े तेरे द्वारे कानूर बिन बजावे मैय्या के द्वारे कानूर बिन बजावे मेरे माँ के द्वारे कानूर बिन बजावे अम्बा, तुमरे भवन में

it made me unbelievably nostalgic about something that probably does not come from my memories and yet does...so basically i don't know what or why...but hazing into a picture where i can see palloo clad ladies...see silent love meeting silent fears...in a present that is alternatively comfortably unexciting and despairingly sedentary...in a dostoevsky meets kamal talkies moment that is refusing to go away